With Mother’s Day approaching I knew I needed to share my recent thoughts. I am hoping that at least one mom that has had these feelings can read this post and feel some kind of hope. I am a firm believer that sometimes we have nothing left but hope. Holding onto only hope is hard.
Often times when we try so hard every day to devote our entire self to caring for other people we get lost. We make them our priority. Little beings that know so little and need so much help and all we can offer them is what we have learned so far.
I was a mom that started young. My dream wasn’t to be a dr or a police officer. My dream was to be a mom. To have a family. I got married a month before I turned 21 and had my first baby a month before I turned 22. I had my second baby a month before I turned 24. By age 30 I had my final baby, number 3. Two boys and one girl. I worked from home as some of you know which allowed me to be there for them as much as I could.
When I was 36 I filed for divorce. My family fell apart and I lost a part of my dream. I had myself and my children and hope. Nothing else. I focused so hard in keeping it all together that I never grieved for my loss and I never helped my children grieve for theirs either . I didn’t even know I was suppressing that emotion because I was trying to survive. I dealt with anger from my x and anger from my children. It was a mess. It was ugly and toxic for so long. I held strong to my beliefs and no matter how low I got I had hope. My family disagreed with some of my choices which also added to the stress of life. I remember feeling like things would never get better. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. I remember feeling like I lost the only important things that mattered that I had dreamt of all my life. There were so many nights and days where my children sometimes didn’t even speak to me. Anger ! Lies! Manipulation! These can easily be planted by anyone that disagrees with your choices and when your children believe lies that someone tells them how do you convince your child of the truth? You hold strong and you follow your inner guidance and do what you believe is right every day over and over because someday you may get the option to see that your child may see the truth on their own. As time goes on and your child grows to understand why you made the choices you did it will become more clear. They will understand and they will thank you! I want you to tell yourself “I can do this! Someday my children will understand and right now I need to focus on one task at a time and the most important thing is to keep myself put together” because tragedy can easily unravel a person especially when you aren’t aware of the possibilities.
If you have a mom today and you haven’t always agreed with her choices take a moment and think “is it possible that she really was looking out for me? Was I really her best interest? Were the choices really to help keep us safe and happy and get the most out of our life? “ If you aren’t sure of the answer then I want you to now ask yourself “what would have been better? What else could she have done” and best of all I now want you to ask yourself “what if she had done nothing at all?” Often times moms are just trying their BEST! Now I know there are bad moms that NEVER are focused on family but I bet you are because you are reading this or I bet you have a mom and she may have been wonderful or maybe she made many mistakes but if you have anger in your heart because you feel your mom wasn’t perfect just remember everyone in the world came from a mother and that means being a mom is one of the most rewarding jobs we can have. It is the hardest also! Maybe just maybe your mom was trying harder than you ever knew. Maybe all the while she was making choices in life they were really for your best interest even when you thought she was thinking of herself because a mom needs to take care of her In order to take care of the children. It’s a balance. You have no idea how many times she hid her tears and pretended she was ok. She just wanted you to think she was strong. Her pain was still there . She just hid it well perhaps. She may have not been perfect but she may have been trying her best and if you can take a moment and thank her for that she will appreciate it and the very idea that you can now recognize that even your mom wasn’t perfect should definitely help you have more compassion for yourself when you are raising a family because then you won’t be so disappointed in yourself when you make mistakes because you will. We all do! Happy Mothers Day!
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